anima libera

God grants me vindication
and i am reborn again
a free soul

No longer held down by the corrupted
hearts of men
and the darkness they follow

He reminds me that i am a being in his likeness
and i fear not death, nor pain
he gives me strength
and i will ascend
for even when the flesh is weak
the soul thrives
and i remain free

This human heart

Let's live forever you say
as we lie beneath the stars
we'll stay forever this way, and you truly believe
we are

immortal
immortal

lets watch the stars fall
and maybe discover how they shine
but they've come such a long way
so maybe their secrets should be mine

you have forever to find out on your own
because you are

immortal
immortal

(chorus)

But my human heart only beats so fast
and i cant keep up with you
And this flesh i call mine
will age in time
no i cant keep up you...

...but i'll try if you want me to



2nd verse


Surely we will live forever you say
you just have to believe
as we head towards the car...
i smile but i dont really agree

we wont stay forever this way
we are

mortal
mortal


You look up at the sky once more
and take it all in
because you know in your heart
that we will never be here again

and i wait in silence
feeling the sadness creeping in
the feeling that reminds me that we are

mortal
mortal


(chorus)

And this human heart of mine only beats so fast
i cant keep up with you
Yeah this flesh i call mine
will age in time
No i cant keep up with you

But i'll try if you want me to...


(bridge)

I hate to be the one
(to bring you down)

i hate to be the one
(to disappoint you)

oh oh oh....

this human heart begins to break
and i cant look at you
this tongue it hides behind these teeth
and dares not to speak the truth

so i'll sing these lies
if it pleases you
and pretend to agree when you say...

we'll stay forever this way

DEATH

I have prayed for it

I have begged

but it did not come

cried pitiful tears

wandering through the merciless city

crossed busy streets 

and ignored the signs

but it would not come

pulled out my hair in frustration

cut myself in agony

hoping to bleed relentlessly 

but it would not come

I have laughed

for once

smiled, with sincerity 

hoped for the best

broke down my walls

and just when I had learned to live

it came

dr suess

Lovers many
Friends none
Battles fought
Zero won

Scarred deeply
Bled dry
Everyone says
"At least you tried"

Liars liars
All I see
Fancy words
Polished thieves

Take a hit
Disappear
No one can see you
All the while you've been there

Laugh out loud
Cry inside
Time moves slower
Everytime I die

Broken heart
Aching bones
Tired feet
Withered soul

Run quick run!
To where the sun meets the moon
Over hear their conversation
Before night turns to noon

Read this and hate it
Or love it you decide
All the phonies will say
"At least you tried"

Clever one

I haven't yet figured it out

Nor have I honestly tried

Never took the time

to discover who you truly were

and yet

we loved?

or

atleast we pretended 

which would be fair

For after all we were children

and children do pretend

and yet an inkling of truth

behind those starlit eyes

inspires uncertainty and doubt

even now after all those years

how does one pretend

to love, how does one

in an age of innocence 

know how to fake such an emotion?

is that not something learned over time

when hearts have frozen over from

hurt and regret? when walls

are built to protect whats left?

ah! I have discovered you after all

my day late friend!

clever one

oh my wasted youth

When we are young we say things with hearts pure and intentions true. Then life comes along and with it's icy fingers pulls the veil of innocence from our eyes, chasing blue skies and dreams away and revealing to us its true form. When we are young we love, with guards at ease believing that forever is real. Until age hands us a drink of mortality and our breaths shorten and hearts beat slower. Life is poison and it kills...life kills...life kills..love destroys and rebuilds..age deters and discourages..memories haunt and cause withered tongues to speak of these times when we were young...

???

               Falling

falling

down

the

    rabbit

     hole

hate

everything

you

    are

and

    all 

                        that you know

I stare at the screen a few moments longer, maybe as if waiting for something to happen- nothing.

I sit back and swallow a lump of sadness, when I opened my eyes today I'd hoped that things would be different, or at least that the aching would have subsided; but here somewhere between my grief and what is left of my heart indeed it lives and grows stronger everyday. And so I sit in silence just as I suffer, still waiting and for whatever reason hoping that things will get better. But they never do, and surely if I am granted a moment of happiness it is shortly perpetuated by my own  sorrow. 

   I live

 As I breathe

   As I die

And live no more

A

  zombie

lifeless

but still

living

Empty

but

full

of

grief

Deeply

shallow SO  LOUD!

Forever the silence

wanting   by

of deafened

the      see

one I

thing  that

I'll all

Always by

never  blinded

have

There I wonder, There I wait

There I wait, there I wonder

To end it all, part from this ill fated world

this place where everyone waits in silence and in suffering

I will not be them

And so my love he grants me this

with a poisonous kiss from thy true loves lips

ever more slipping into the depths of eternity

Whether it be Hell's flames or Heavens halls 

or simply space and time- there I wait

there I wonder, there I am 

ever more, ever more

To find a path or blaze one

this place where everyone follows the same

I will not be them

And so my courage grants me this

with razor edged tongue

that cuts and bleeds truth

ever more fleeing from the sight of ignorance

Whether it be out in the world

or the confines of mine own 

there I wait, there I wonder,

there I am

ever more, ever more

- 

More random thoughts

A N G E R ! ! !



Aside from love, I believe anger is the most dangerous emotion of them all.
Anger is a deadly combination of love, hate, fear, despair, regret and sometimes the loss of self control.



Anger is the birth of regret and the death of self control..








Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.”
Dr. Laurence J. Peter quotes

Old flames

Old flames

I looked for you, and saw you

You were not the same, time had indeed changed you but I guess you could say the same for me. Your boyish looks had vanished, your eyes were dark and cold, so I kept myself unknown to you

The fear of awkward eye contact and stuttered words allowed me to just watch you, walking through the crowd and finding your way through the world

It seems though no matter how many paths you chose, none of them lead you to me nor will they ever


A lump of regret formed inside my throat as you trailed further off into the distance

I wish that we had ended on better terms, and that I could still call you a friend

Know that I waited for you

Know that I loved you

Know that I let go

Know that you never had to let me.....

Random thoughts occur when I should be working

Descartes says "I think therefore I am"



So I was wondering,


I think therefore I am, so am I not when I don't think? Further more saying that I am only live through thought and cease to exist when my mind draws blanks?

If something as simple as thinking defines us, then are we just that.....simple beings?

What if the complexity we have come to know that is existing, is created in our own minds? Because of life's challenges we've come believe that there is always a hidden agenda or bump in the road waiting for us at every bend.

Why can't we just .....be

PREMONITION

I was drifting but not yet asleep when I hard a woman's voice ask "Who is that?"

"I don't know" I replied, and I didn't but I could see the mans face "she" was referring to. he was a tall white man with menacing eyes and a clean bald head, he looked directly at me and I popped my eyes open.

One week later

The cops of Hudson NY are very bored, they parade around harassing whomever they seek fit. An officer by the name of Fen was demoted a couple of weeks ago for macing down and beating a 14yr old black girl. He is an admitted racist and was once told he had to grow his hair back because he resembled a skin head. He is the epiphany of power placed in the wrong hands, he is grime on the bottom of my boots- but I digress.

Anyway he was present when they tried to arrest my friend for simply sitting inside of his car.  I saw when the cop cars pulled up four of them to be exact just to make an entrance. Fen was the first one to approach the car, I was on the porch and honestly confused. Then suddenly an officer emerges from the bushes behind the car with a flash light. He taps on the window and requests that my friend step out of the car. My cousins friend stepped out unto the porch at that moment and asked "Who is that?" I kept my focus on the officer standing outside the car but answered, "I don't know."  In that moment a sensation flowed through me as I remembered from a week ago when I was drifting to sleep- and then the officer looked up and directly at me. He was a tall white man with menacing eyes whose head was bald.

I simply could not believe it, it was the first time I'd ever gotten a premonition so exact and strong.

Cool Kids

"Excuse me." He said as he bumped me trying to scramble for the seat in which I was just about to claim for myself. It never ceases to amaze me how badly chivalry has died not only and more expectedly with the younger generation but with the older men who should know better as well. My mouth opened but the words had a hard time escaping so I just breathed in, trapping the thoughts in my head; and there they resounded. "I was going to sit there." I dwelled on it a few moments longer until a loud shriek of a laughter pierced my ear drums. Alarmed I scanned the train to see what ungodly creature's throat that flew out of and lo and behold, just beyond the electronic strip map a group of "cool" kids sat gathered at the very end seats; the one's that are reserved for handicaps but I guess in some way it was befitting. And OH GOD! You should have seen them, all Bronx kids, all obnoxious with their stalker shades ( the one's Kanye West made popular) Because as you all know it's not cool unless a rapper wears it- which by the way might explain why another boys pant were so ridiculously low that his boxers were showing. I mean HELLO doesn't anyone know that in prison you'd be someone else's bitch???  PEOPLE PLEASE PULL UP YOUR PANTS!!!   Ever since lil' Wayne started singing songs that sounded like he swallowed a synthesizer, these kids have lived by the ultra baggy jeans/ fruity sneaker trend ENOUGH IS ENOUGH BE ORIGINAL! (ahem) 

But I digress